Why Reaching Out to an Ex Narc Can Be Harmful for Your Mental Health

If you're asking this question, it's likely that you are still struggling with the aftermath of a difficult relationship with a narcissistic partner. You may be reliving a traumatic bond that your ex still has over you. Instead of dwelling on past events, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Therapy, particularly one that specializes in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), can help you understand why you might have relapsed and why reaching out to your ex was not a productive move.

Perhaps you are romanticizing the past, thinking that everything was wonderful and that you can 'get' it back. Perhaps you believe that your ex has changed, and this time things will work out differently. However, it is important to recognize that the relationship you had was often unstable and an illusion. Narcissistic partners typically mirror idealized behaviors or characteristics to gain your trust and often use loopholes and deceit to manipulate you. This is a pattern that is repeated in every relationship, not an exception.

The Cycle of Trauma Bonding

When you're involved with a narcissistic partner, you can become emotionally dependent on the relationship, even when it is toxic. This is known as trauma bonding. It can be difficult to break away because of the emotional turmoil that goes with trust, loyalty, and dependency. The advice to get help is crucial, as it can help you detach from these harmful bonds and take control of your life.

One of the main reasons why reaching out to an ex-narc can be counterproductive is that whatever positive feelings or support they provided did not come from a healthy place. Any positive memories you have likely stemmed from their manipulative tactics and staged displays of affection. Over time, these experiences can wear down your self-worth and contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Social Support and Recovery

Having a support group can also be hugely beneficial. It can provide a nurturing environment where you can share your experiences and learn from others in similar situations. Here are a few steps you can take to start your journey towards recovery:

Seek Professional Help: Find a therapist who specializes in dealing with NPD and CPTSD. A mental health professional can provide you with the tools and strategies to heal and move on. Undertake Self-Education: Read books and articles on emotional abuse, narcissistic relationships, and trauma recovery. Understanding the dynamics of this type of relationship can help you recognize patterns and avoid repeating them in future relationships. Build a Support Network: Connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Join support groups or online communities where you can share your feelings and gain support. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that enhance your mental and physical well-being. This could include exercise, hobbies, or meditation.

It’s important to remember that reaching out to your ex-narc can often lead to further emotional distress and reinforce unhealthy patterns. Instead, use this as an opportunity to step back and reflect on what went wrong. Focus on why you felt the need to reach out and how you can prevent these feelings in the future. This can help you establish clearer boundaries and promote your overall emotional and psychological health.

A New Beginning

Now, instead of dwelling on the past, focus on building a new, healthier life. Perhaps it’s time to change your job, or even change your living situation. Consider altering your appearance and personal style to boost your confidence. Embrace self-love and acceptance. Understand that past relationships, especially those with narcissistic partners, do not define your worth.

Ultimately, the key to moving forward is to learn from your past experiences and grow as a person. It’s not about forgetting the painful memories but learning to cope with them and use them as a stepping stone towards a better future.