Understanding and Managing Attraction in Marriage

It is a common misconception that married men can 'switch off' their attraction to other women. In reality, they remain attracted to other women, and the key lies in managing these feelings rather than completely eliminating them.

Impulse Control and Attraction Management

When I developed impulse control during potty training, I learned the importance of restraint. This same principle applies to managing attraction in marriage. Refraining from actions you would not want your partner to take can be achieved by acknowledging attractiveness without crossing boundaries.

For example, resisting the urge to drive impatiently on the shoulder or cutting in line does not require suppressing one's base instincts. Similarly, recognizing someone's attractiveness without acting upon these feelings can be beneficial to everyone involved. This is a skill that can be refined and practiced over time.

The Reality of Long-Term Marriage and Attraction

Marriage does not come with a built-in 'switch' to turn off attraction. In my case, even after over 30 years of marriage, attraction to other women is still present. Likewise, infidelity is also a concern for wives, as men can be attracted to other men.

Coexistence of these feelings does not necessarily mean acting on them. The key is to choose not to engage in inappropriate actions or behaviors. By making conscious choices, we can maintain fidelity and avoid compromising our relationship.

Choosing to Be Faithful

Attraction is a natural part of being human, and it is unrealistic to expect it to disappear in marriage. However, it is possible to choose not to act on these feelings. Developing self-discipline to think about what you want to think about and avoid or minimize thoughts about inappropriate actions can significantly increase one's chances of remaining faithful.

If the discipline to manage these feelings is lacking, it may be necessary to re-evaluate the decision to get married. The ability to practice self-restraint is essential for maintaining a healthy and lasting relationship.

Conclusion

The truth is, attraction does not 'switch off' in marriage. Instead, it is about managing and controlling these feelings in a way that benefits the relationship. By cultivating impulse control and making conscious choices, married individuals can maintain fidelity and ensure the longevity of their union.