Rebuilding Trust: Strategies for Reconnecting with Incarcerated Parents

Imagine you are an incarcerated parent struggling to reconnect with your children. You have made mistakes, and the consequences have led to an extended period in prison. When you think about the future, the first thing that comes to mind is how to mend your relationship with your kids. This article explores effective strategies for incarcerated parents to rebuilding trust with their children and offers insights on how to effectively communicate and engage with them.

Understanding the Child’s Perspective

When you say, 'my 7-year-old hates me', it's important to understand that they are not hating you as an individual, but reacting to the situation. Your child understands that you are not part of their life due to your incarceration. They are experiencing the pain and anger of losing a parent, which is a traumatic experience for any child.

Validating Their Feelings

Children are resilient, but they still need validation for their emotions. Instead of dismissing their anger, listen to them, and acknowledge their feelings. For example, you can say, 'I understand. You have the right to feel angry'. This simple statement allows your child to feel heard and understood, setting the foundation for a more constructive conversation.

Engaging in Meaningful Communication

It's important to communicate with your children even if they do not reciprocate. Send messages, draw pictures, or find ways to connect with them. When they do visit, show genuine interest in their thoughts and activities. Thank them for sharing their day and express how honored you are to be a part of their life, even if it's just for a brief moment.

Role of an Outsider

Consider involving a third party, such as a partner, a teacher, or a school friend's parent, as a supportive intermediary. This person can help engage with your children and share relevant information about their activities. This way, you can ask questions and have more meaningful conversations with your children during visits. For example, asking them about their latest school project or a fun activity they did can spark a conversation and build a stronger bond.

Making Learning Fun

One effective way to reconnect is to make learning fun. Use your time apart to develop new interests that you can share with your children. For instance, you can start a dinosaur project where you and your child can compile a list of dinosaurs that roamed the Earth, along with information about where they lived and how long ago. This not only helps in building a shared interest but also allows you to bond over something positive.

Collaborative Projects

Engage in collaborative projects with your children. This could be a book about real and imaginary dinosaurs, or any other topic that piques their interest. Collaborating on a project can help you build a connection and provide a reason for them to visit you. If you are consistent and genuine in your efforts, you may even encourage them to come and share their own projects, opening up the lines of communication and strengthening your relationship.

Conclusion

Reconnecting with your children after extended periods of incarceration is a challenging but rewarding process. By understanding your children's emotions, validating their feelings, and engaging in meaningful communication, you can gradually rebuild trust. Remember that consistency and heartfelt efforts are key. With time and dedication, you can rebuild a bond with your children and ensure that their emotional well-being is a priority.

As an incarcerated parent, you have the opportunity to become a better role model and a more present part of your children's lives. Use this time to grow, learn, and show your children that you are genuinely committed to being a positive influence in their lives.