Navigating Volume Issues with Someone with Aspergers: A Gentle Approach

Communicating with someone who has Aspergers can be challenging due to varying communication styles and sensitivities. If you know someone with Aspergers who tends to speak too loudly, it's important to approach the situation delicately and thoughtfully. This article will provide guidance on how to address this issue in a way that is both polite and effective.

Choosing the Right Moment

One of the first steps in addressing a communication issue is choosing the right moment. Find a private, calm setting where you can have a conversation without distractions. Timing is crucial, as it can significantly impact how the message is received.

Being Direct but Gentle

People with Aspergers often appreciate direct communication, as they can be very literal in their understanding. However, it's essential to approach the conversation gently. You might start by saying something along the lines of:

Could we talk for a moment about how we communicate? Sometimes I find it difficult to hear you clearly, especially in quiet settings. It's not about you; I just have sensitive ears.

By framing your observation in a way that focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame, you can make your point without making the person feel criticized. This approach respects their direct communication style while also addressing the issue in a constructive manner.

Offering Support and Encouraging Feedback

After expressing your concerns, offer to discuss ways to be more mindful of volume. You could mention:

Do you think we could both be more mindful of our volume in different settings? Maybe we could work on using a softer 'inside voice' in quiet environments.

Encourage the person to share their thoughts on their volume, as this can create a more open dialogue and encourage self-awareness. This approach also shows that you value their communication style and are willing to work together to find a solution.

Being Patient and Sensitized

Adjusting to new communication norms can take time. Be patient and understand that it may take some time for the person to internalize the changes. Be prepared for a range of reactions, and offer reassurance that you appreciate their communication style. By approaching the conversation with empathy and respect, you can help the person understand the impact of their volume without making them feel criticized.

For example, my son and I both have Aspergers, and we often communicate in blunt ways. When he speaks too loudly in quieter settings, I might point out:

a. Do you realize we are inside? b. That we are next to each other? c. We should use our 'inside voice.' d. Raise my hand and make lowering motions.

We both understand and respect each other's communication style, even if it sometimes leads to clarification.

Empowering the Communication on Both Sides

It's crucial to empower the communication on both sides. If you're receiving too much volume from someone with Aspergers, you could say:

Please use a little more 'inside voice' when we're in quieter settings. It helps me to hear and understand you better.

This approach empowers the person to take control of their communication and shows that you value their input when it comes to communication dynamics.

Conclusion

Approaching communication issues with someone who has Aspergers requires sensitivity and clarity. By choosing the right moment, being direct but gentle, offering support, and being patient, you can help the person understand the impact of their volume. Remember, the key is to maintain empathy and respect throughout the conversation, ensuring that the person feels understood and appreciated.