Do Narcissists Make All Discards Seem Like It Is Final?

There is a common misunderstanding surrounding individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how they treat their partners. Contrary to popular belief, not all discards by people with NPD are final, and closure is not a primary objective. Understanding the underlying tactics used by narcissists, such as hoovering and ghosting, is crucial for anyone in a relationship with someone possessing these traits. This article aims to clarify misconceptions and provide valuable insights into the dynamics of relationships with narcissists.

Manipulating Perceptions of Finality

Narcissists, driven by their own self-interest and the desire to control, often manipulate the perception of their relationships to make all discards seem final. Their primary goal is to exert control and maintain a certain level of influence, even after the initial breakdown of the relationship.

For example, if a narcissist is married and stands to inherit wealth, they might prefer to cheat rather than kill the "golden goose," their financially stable spouse. Similar scenarios can arise in non-financial contexts, where the narcissist perceives ongoing benefits from the relationship, despite personal dissatisfaction. This manipulation ensures that the pawn in the game, often unaware of the true motives, continues to perform as expected.

Hoovering and Harassment

The idea that a discard from a narcissist is always final is another common misconception. In reality, many narcissists use hoovering and harassment to maintain a form of control. Hoovering, a method of winning back a partner after a period of neglect or conflict, can be incredibly manipulative. The victim is often subjected toMonths of emotional highs and lows, leading them to believe that the relationship is not truly over.

Stalking and harassment are also forms of manipulation used by narcissists to keep their partners within a modulated range of emotional states. These tactics are not merely the discard but are part of a larger, long-term plan involving more manipulation and manipulation. The discard is viewed by the narcissist as another phase in a complex, ongoing game of control.

When the Victim Becomes the Puppet

Victims of narcissists can fall into the trap of believing everything is as it seems. The cyclical nature of hoovering can be particularly deceptive, as the narcissist regales the victim with promises of love and affection, making them feel "wanted" and "special." During this phase, the victim’s heart may thump with excitement and joy, leading them to exclaim in relief, "Yes, I am wanted, I am loved, I am needed!" Sadly, once the initial euphoria wear off, the victim can find themselves ensnared in a web of manipulation.

A classic example is the well-known nursery rhyme, "Won't You Come Into My Parlour?" said the spider to the fly. As the fly approaches, the spider urges it to stay, citing the warmth and comfort of the parlour. However, the fly is unaware of the imminent danger waiting within the web. Similarly, the victim, blinded by initial reassurances, may be unaware of the trap laid by the narcissist.

Ghosting as a Manipulative Tool

Most discards by people with NPD are not final. Instead, they often engage in ghosting, which involves abruptly ceasing all communication with the victim. This action, while seemingly abrupt and decisive, is actually designed to confuse and disorient the victim. By ghosting, the narcissist leaves the door open for subsequent hoovering, ensuring the victim remains within the orbit of the narcissist's influence.

Ghosting serves as a form of emotional control, maintaining the status quo of an unstable relationship while avoiding direct confrontation. It is a carefully calculated move to create an environment of uncertainty, where the victim is left to wonder about the future and constantly seeking validation.

Understanding and Managing NPD

For anyone navigating the treacherous waters of a relationship with a narcissist, understanding and managing NPD is crucial. Victims of narcissistic behavior must arm themselves with knowledge and support to protect their emotional well-being. Hoovering, ghosting, and other manipulative tactics may seem confusing and overwhelming, but awareness can provide the tools to break free from these harmful relationships.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the dynamics of a relationship with a narcissist, consider seeking professional advice and support. Online resources and communities can offer valuable insights and guidance, helping individuals to recognize and manage the manipulative tactics employed by narcissists.

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